Stranded

It’s been a while since I’ve written. I’ve had some words bubble up here and there, but my brain has been processing too many things to really turn all of them into coherent sentences. It’s been a few months where my brain is tracking so many things that doing anything other than putting on Law & Order: SVU in the background while I answer emails and scroll my phone has felt like a bit too much.

It all started with my car.

I’ve had a 2005 (2004?) Camry since I was in college. I’ve driven it all over the coast. I’ve done weddings in Virginia (at least 2), newborn shoots in Raleigh, and family shoots back in Knoxville, TN. That was the car I was driving when I got married. It was the car I drove when I took care of my grandpa. It was the car I drove for my senior art exhibit. Through boyfriends and breakups, it finally was on its last legs.

So.. the journey to buy a new(ish) car started. My mother-in-law helped me visit dealerships and find deals online and we started discussing budget and the perks of a brand new car vs a previously owned one..

All while my Camry was slowly causing problems. I had to replace the water pump (again). My belt started making noises. It couldn’t make it up our very steep mountain driveway.

My husband’s job was far enough away that we started running all of our errands on his days off (which were mostly weekends). I wasn’t able to go to the doctor, I wasn’t able to get needed bloodwork done (that is a story for another day)…

I was completely stranded.

It really brings perspective towards families that cannot afford to have more than one car. There are moms out there that cannot simply grocery shop or take their little ones to the park or go to a much needed therapy appointment or coffee date. There are people out there not able to go to work to support their families.

They are stranded.

I started to fix the problem myself. I bought a new(ish) vehicle. I’m seriously in love - I swear this car drives like it was meant for me.

Until… a problem that is a problem in many of my make and model car became so bad that the dealership had to ship it off an hour away. The dealership also could not give me a loaner that would meet my needs, and I had no way to GET the loaner in the first place..as I had no car. I was so frustrated - I’ve only had this car for two months! It was supposed to fix all of my problems!

I was stranded… again.

I was without a social life… again.

I was without a car to go to the doctor..again.

It felt like I was going backwards.

How often do we see ourselves in situations where we have a bad experience and we frantically get ourselves out, only to be put exactly in that situation again despite all of the time and effort and money we put into it?

Have you ever gotten out of debt only to have an emergency happen you never could have predicted? Did a relationship start to turn negative in the exact same way previous relationships did? Has your spouse promised to do better, only to try and then fall back into old habits?

It honestly feels helpless - you feel like you tried SO hard in your own strength to overcome a situation, only for it to not matter.

The only solution sometimes is surrender. Surrender and finding peace, despite our own minds and bodies telling us that the solution is to take everything on by ourselves.

But..what is peace?

I find that peace is not the same as ignoring the situation. I know too many people that spurt ‘peace and love’ at you, all while ignoring their worlds crumbling to pieces around them. Peace doesn’t diminish pain. Saying ‘love’ won’t fix my car.

But being frantic over it isn’t helping anything either. Working myself into an emotional frenzy and yelling at service workers isn’t going to get my car fixed.

The only things that will really help.. are wisdom and peace. Wisdom is knowing that there are people out there whose job is to make sure that I get a working vehicle. Wisdom is knowing that I need to call around everywhere until a sweet woman named Lane picks up the phone and lets me know that all of my repairs will be covered under my extended warranty (and no, they didn’t find me through a phone call hahaha).

Peace is knowing that for me to think clearly and handle this wisely, I need to keep my emotions in check and realize that feeling negatively about my situation is not weakness, but being overwhelmed isn’t going to make it go away or fix itself faster.

Surrender is knowing that this season will pass, and it will work out. It might not be how I want it to be, but it will.

Life is flux. Change is the only constant. Cars will break down, friendships will end, people will leave our lives.

But how we perceive it and how we treat others and how we handle things will vastly improve the process of fixing it.

Find your peace. Surrender to the process, and find the wisdom that is needed to fix the situation.

I might be stranded, but it doesn’t mean I’m stuck.

Also -

We are having a huge sale.

Tell your friends.

XOXO,

Windham