Embrace the Bitter

We ran out of coffee creamer this morning.

Not just coffee creamer, actually.

We were out of milk, almond milk, creamer, creamer packets..

And so I had to sit and stare at my cup of black and bitter coffee and sit and think a bit. Of course, I’m not one that really minds black coffee. I survived on it in college. However, now I’ve learned that to combat my polycystic symptoms, I really need to add a sugar and a fat in every cup I drink.

Drinking coffee black is not my norm now.

However.. as I looked at it and then finally gave in, I found myself enjoying the taste. There is a richness to coffee that you really can miss when mix it with other flavors. There is a depth. And I’m not going to lie.. a pretentiousness as well.

We’ve started the process of figuring out housing here on the homestead. The Big House on the homestead is not the long term solution for our family since more family will be here soon. We won’t be at the top of the mountain, but the side.

However..

There is this fun little problem called the housing market..

And the economy..

And the rising prices..etc.

At first my mother-in-law and I went around to some mobile home stores. Clayton Homes, to be exact. I liked the idea of a Clayton - I could have something small and simple, and we’d save up for a few years and eventually be able to build the dream home. But when we walked in, I found that you really don’t get to choose as many options as you think you would. The warehouse is over 6 months behind for their basic homes, and once you get the delivery, septic, well, and setup, you’re looking north of 200k.

And on top of it, even if we went with a single wide, you have to build a mobile home on a permanent foundation to even be able to get a loan.

Is it really a simple short term solution if it is more expensive than building and will depreciate in value over the next 30 years? Does it really work for our family if we won’t even be able to roll it to another part of the property? Because honestly.. how perfect would that be? A cute little area for guests to visit, for parents with allergies to stay, etc..

That is the dream.

But if built on a permanent foundation, removing the home from the original site would damage the house.

Okay..so what about a tiny house?

We have space elsewhere on the property to use for offices..etc..

But did I mention that we have a cat? A chubby and naughty tabby that we rescued from a Chick-fil-A parking lot.

And did I mention that we have 5 sugar gliders?

I’ll probably write about them soon.. they’re certainly unique enough in experience.

And did you know that tiny homes can cost a lot to set up when you aren’t a contractor?

…..

What about a cabin kit?

What a grand idea! Let’s look into cabin kits!

I had a phone call with our loan officer.. and we found out that cabin kits are only cheaper if you put it together yourself.

And… you cannot get a loan for the kit itself unless you have a licensed contractor that is able to put it together for you.

So.. you’re looking at $300k for the cost of a cabin kit after hiring out contractors.

….

What about stick built?

We’ve started the process of looking.. but right now are finding the price to be almost $400k to simply build when you add things like a basement and a deck (which are needed for the side of a mountain property).

It is honestly extremely overwhelming.

I find it easy to look at the people around me and compare my life to theirs. I find myself being bitter and judgmental and frantic and manic trying to change my circumstances.

If I save $10 each week this year.. will that be enough to start building a house in a year? If I stop buying things for the shop.. will that give me enough for a down payment?

How do other people save?

I’m frantically scanning and scrolling and reading..

Until I’m not.

And I’m hushing the frantic voice in my head telling me that I need ALL. THE. ANSWERS. RIGHT. NOW. AND. MUST. RESEARCH. EVERYTHING. RIGHT. NOW.

What if.. I don’t need a plan right now? What if.. this season is to teach me how to handle all that life can throw at me?

If I believe that life has purpose beyond myself and there are things out there greater than myself.. then.. is it possible that I’m not supposed to have all the answers? Is it possible that I’m not supposed to let myself get scared and manic.. despite the world telling me otherwise?

I know it is easier to say these things than to act on them. Or.. at least not REact to them.

Maybe today is a day to sit on this porch.. to look out and drink my coffee. To dream and garden and feel these blessings one day at a time. To sit in the uncomfortable and learn from it -

Are we meant to run from being uncomfortable? Are we really meant to be comfortable 100% of the time? Isn’t it unhealthy?

I think humans are all meant to struggle a little. To fight and grow a bit..to learn and commune and live with each other.

I promise.. when I learn the individual steps that are needed to build a house in a way that is manageable.. I’ll take you all with me. I’m such a worrywart.. I can’t help but give you guys a step by step list.

Today.. I want you to look around and see the things you DO have. We don’t have to hustle constantly and we don’t have to sit and think about what we don’t have or want or need.

(Obviously I’m not talking about being in a dangerous place of need or sitting in a place that is unsafe… that doesn’t need to be said).

However, I do want you to shake off the comparison trap. Shake off the need to know all of the answers. Know that seasons have purpose. Revel in the richness of your life TODAY.

Drink the black coffee.

And embrace the bitter.